This is a blog about my life, and about being ill, and about trying to get help.  It is about having your brain be against you, about bad chemicals and bad thoughts, and medications for good or for ill.  It is a place where I can sort out my thoughts better than I can aloud, and I can say the things I could never, ever speak aloud to my family, whom I love dearly enough to want to protect from this, whom I don’t want to hurt by telling them just how bad it is in my head, sometimes.

It is about diagnosis after diagnosis, it is about ten years of being treated for a symptom instead of the cause, it about trying to finally figure out what the underlying cause is.

It is about mental illness, depression and anxiety, and trying to work the system to get better.

It is about my family, who are wonderful and amazing and without whom I would have collapsed entirely years ago, and probably would be living on the street without their support.

The current suspected diagnosis is some variety of anxiety disorder; after so many years of being treated for depression and having it come to little fruition, and now having actual improvement, this is encouraging.

That’s what this is about.

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